What A Tangeled Webb We Weave
by Senna Walse
Summary: AU: Bella is still in danger. But when Victoria took everything from Bella she falls from grace. The only person there to help her heal is Jacob. When Edward Returns...Thats when things become complicated. Chapter 9 Is up R
1. The Let Down

**Disclaimer:** _I Do not Own any of the Characters. They are Property of Stephine Meyer and only Her._

I hardly recognized Charlie in his suit. I should have gone to the funeral. I should have been with Jake. He was the only glue holding me together. My Jagged hole was wrenching, tearing, smoldering at the edges. It was almost to much to bare. I had hurt Jake's feelings and I wish there could be a way to fix things. But I didn't want Alice to go.

I could never think of anything more painful right now then for Alice to leave. It was inconceivable.

" Alice, please don't go" She held on to me as I sobbed her the entire story. It felt so good to talk to someone other then Jake so freely.

" Don't worry Bella, I wont" She hummed a motherly lullaby. Not _"his"_ Lullaby. I was grateful to her. Even though I wanted to ask her about him I knew I may not get much out. I just laid in her icy grasp hoping wishing this dream never ended. " When I get my hands on him I will make him come back. This is so foolish. I should have never agreed to his martyring march into insanity." She shook her head sighing. Martyring? What kind of joke was this.

" Alice please. Just because Victoria is out to get me doesn't mean Edward is obligated to come back." I wanted to scream at myself. That was the one thing I wanted most and least. The pain was so much. She looked at me like I just said _"Do me a Favor call Victoria up so we can get this over with k?" _

" Bella your sadly mistaken. Edward doesn't feel obligated. He is just being over dramatic." She sighed and rubbed my shoulder.

" Alice I am damaged goods. What would be the point of his return? I don't think I could stand him so close but then not. He must be preoccupied with his distractions." Alice was getting mad with me now. I didn't like seeing her this way. So dangerous. It wasn't good when she was mad.

"As I say now and I'll say again. _YOU_ are mistaken Bella. When I get to him. We are all coming back I swear it Bella. We will fix this." She stated to herself. I was angry. She wasn't understanding what I was saying?

" Alice he made it very clear in the woods, I don't hold anything against him. I will always love him. But simply martyring himself over me? I don't see the logic in it. He didn't love me so there shouldn't be any guilt." Alice let go of a frustrated breath. The observation I made when I first laid eyes on my angel. I held myself together at this thought the hole was tearing at places from all this thinking. Alice held me again soothing the tears away rocking me back and forth. The observation, we were on two different plains of reality. His was Hollywood land. Mines was reality. And reality pulled me down form the cloud nine skies of Hollywood land. I was grateful for the time he gave me. Even though he didn't care I will always love him. My life has been completely altered by his arrival. Even though I can never be the same again - I don't think I'd want to be. My universe did implode with his departure but the pieces that lingered were crumbling at the thought of Edward never loving me in the first place. He was so convincing. I wanted to belive so badly every time he would whisper to me his love and affection. But I was once again slaped back into the mundane reality. As he said he has to be a good actor. He certainly left an affect on me. But Jake. I could never have what I had with Edward with Jake. But could it be that it was best that way? Edward was a dream. Jacob was a possibility.

" Bella calm down Bella it is ok nothing back will happen" As she said this I realized I had been sobbing. The heart wrenched tears that stung my eyes clueing in Alice on my state. I pouted at myself. How could I let myself cry at such a time?

" Just give me a week." Was all she said.

" What?"

" Bella I have to go now, But I leave you with this." She gave me something small and silver. It was her phone. " When I get my hands on Edward I will call you." She kissed me forehead as I slipped out of her grasp. I was frantic. NO! NO! She can't go I can't lose this again. I don't want to wake up from my dream. I held on to her wrist trying my best. I wanted to scold her for saying she would stay at frist and now backing out, but, my sore throat choked my words as they formed. Alice must have thought I was inconsolable " Bella, I promise to come back. But don't worry." I heard a knock. She looked up, shock was apparent on her face.

" Who is it Alice?"

" I don't know... but if I bet my money right. That is one of your wolf friends" She was annoyed for some reason. Frustration spilled into her features. I got up and opened the door. There stood Jake. His face, no, Sam's face masked the sweet joyous smile that once occupied that youthful mug.

" I have to talk to you" His snarled lips spit out each word with distaste. I couldn't take such a tone. I broke down. I violently cried at the foot of the door trembling from the waves of motion that controlled my mind. Jake became frantic. He picked me up into his arms holding me his eyes were carefully controlling any emotion he was feeling.

" Bella what did that bloodsucker do to you." He looked up searching. I shook my head screaming in agony.

" No, the way you spoke-- " resentment registered in his face. The realization was staggering. My vision was contorted from the stinging tears that I couldn't see him well. He wiped my eyes of the tears and I finally got a good look at him. He was crying.

"Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I keep hurting you- this isn't fair to you. I'm so sorry." he repeated his plea like a mantra. I held on to him. The hole was mended for now. He held me together with his confession.

" Don't worry, your forgiven, I did choose her over you no?" He flinched at this. I choked back some of my tears trying to keep in composure.

" Yes but still. You know." He sighed as the tears ran down his beautiful face.

" Jacob will you ever forgive me?"

" You have done nothing wrong Bella." he looked into my eyes and softly kissed my forehead. He jumped back. " Gah you smell like them"

" Why is everyone saying I smell?" I finally felt a little better and he smiled.

" I guess I do smell."

" You smell fine but what do I smell Like?" I looked at him.

" You smell like them. To sweet. It is so sweet it stings my nose" I looked back remembering Alice. She was gone. A note was on the fridge. I was in shock. Yet again my universe imploded. The dream has ended.

But Jake was there.


	2. Fire

I still sobbed as Jake picked me up and carried me to the sofa. I buried my face into his bare chest. All I could do was cry. I felt the tear ducts wallow in pain, no longer capable of squeezing out one more ounce of water.

" What me to stay till Charlie get back?" He whispered. I nodded. I don't think I could deal with being alone right now. This was too much. Why didn't Alice listen to me? Why? I want to see him so badly. But I don't think I can handle it. If I collapsed from Jake being slightly rude imagine seeing him again. Seeing Edward. They might put me in a mental institution by the end of this.

I watched as Jake traced my collar bone with this index finger slowly, softly, delicately. When I looked in to his eyes I saw something I didn't expect. His eyes were full of emotion, as if he were talking to me through them.

I knew what he was saying. But was I ready? No I'm not Ready. I don't think I'll ever be ready...

"Bella?" He whispered softly. I nodded as his hand ran thru my hair." Will you flip out if I tell you something?" Oh NO. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOT NOW!!!!!!!!! Please Jake please don't. I wish I could have voiced this but my jaw was wired shut. I could not speak. The shock was so great. He became startled. " Bella!!? what's wrong?" he shook me. I tried to relax. I tried to. But how can I ? I knew what Jake was going to say.

" I'm ok" I managed to blurt out. " Jake could you get me the note on the fridge?" He frowned then smiled softly slipping me out of his lap throwing himself over the couch to the fridge. He plucked the note off the frig and walked back to me slipping me back into his lap.

I was far to weak to fight with him about that. I opened the note reading it. Alice's calligraphic writing was beautiful and elegant. As I read she explained to me her rush to leave was that Rosalie was about to do something very foolish. Luckily Emmett stopped her and called Alice in time so they were all going to seek out Edward. She also left me a phone number in which for me to contact her in case of emergency. Alice. I already miss you.

" So what did the bloo-- your friend say" he smiled weakly. I laid in his large muscular arms thinking to myself. Maybe what if I do consider this? If I look up right now. If I pull him closer. Things may become... serious. I hadn't realized that I was mimicking my thoughts. I had pulled Jake's face close to mine. His breathing became erratic. I watched his lips quiver along with the rest of him. He wasn't angry.

He moved closer to me I felt the heat of him on my lips before they even go close. Then it happened. The kiss burned, my body lost control. I wrapped me arms around him as he did. His lips burned into me all the emotion he had been feeling for so long it traveled right thru me. He laid me down on the couch as his hand softly rubbed my hip. I couldn't help but pull as his hair causing him to groan from the feeling of it. This wasn't my Edward. He could never replace Edward. But right now- I don't think I could imagine anything else as satisfying as this. It felt like he glued my hole shut. It still felt awkward uncomfortable but still I was able to deal. I relished the fact that I could still feel. I still felt Jake's burning skin against mines. It felt like something I could deal with. He parted from the kiss and looked into my eyes.

" I love you Isabella Swan. Always have. Always will." With that he continued to kiss me. The passion in which he kissed was not normal for his age. Jake was defiantly in his mid 40's. If I couldn't have Edward. Jake would never let me go. Never leave me. Jake. I think I could love Jake.

The kissing continued for what seemed and felt like hours. We were both panting by the end of this. The feelings that traveled thru me were a breath of fresh air. I watched as Jake picked me up and smiled.

" You look sleepy Bells, I'll put you to bed." If he only knew I was dizzy with satisfaction. He carried me up the stairs as I close my eyes reminiscing the kiss. It wasn't anything compared to Edward's kiss. Why did I react the same way? Is it that I am so devoid of physical touch that any thing alive would excite me? I chuckled at that. Alive. Wouldn't that mean anything at all since Edward is technically not living? I'll rephrase it. Am I so devoid of physical touch that anything at all would excite me? I'm starting to think that answer is yes.

As Jake effortlessly opened the door to my room he snuck a few kisses from me. Each kiss felt like fire thru me. I don't know why. I felt my body react each time. Each time he knew this and held me tighter. As he laid me down and tucked me in he kissed me sitting on the floor beside my bed kissing my hand.

"Sleep well Bells. I'll be here to watch over you" he smiled. That was the Jake I knew, not Sam's Jake. This was the very same Jacob Black who helped me learn to ride a motorcycle. The very same Jake who saved me from a watery death two days ago. Jake. What would I do with out you.


	3. The Earth Explodes

I don't remember much. I was in and out of sleep. When ever I opened my eyes Jake was right there either asleep as well or looking out. The final time I opened my eyes it was night fall. Jake was not there. I jumped up. I heard a commotion down stairs. A struggle. Oh no. Victoria? I heard Charlie yell out words I never dreamed to hear him utter. I got up started to the door but something stopped me. It was Quil.

" Let me thru." I commanded.

" I can't Bella. You don't want to go down stairs right now" His eyes sad. What happened. My knees wobbled. Quil caught me mid fall and carried me to the bed. That is when Jake entered the room. Jake was wet. It was a dark wet that didn't register with my groggy yet alert state.  
"Bella listen to Quil please, I can't explain now but please believe me I will later." Then I smelled it. It was blood. He wasn't wet. He was covered in Blood. Charlie?

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Charlie !!!! NO NO !!!!!" Quil let me go stepping back as Jake took over the smell of blood was maddening. I could hear an ambulance in the back ground.

" Bells please calm down. Bella I promise Charlie will not die. If I have anything I could promise to you it is that" The smell made me gag. I leaned over throwing up. Jake held me pulling my hair back. This couldn't be happening. Not Charlie. What happened? How could this happened. My father was innocent of all this. I am to blame. This was all my fault. I've killed my father. Quil stepped in as Jake promised to be back. I heard water running as Quil tried to joke with me. I was crying. I was vomiting and crying. It hurt so much to cry I swear blood could have come out. My reality was now falling apart. It over lapped with my fairy tale. This could not be happening. Jake came back clean of the blood with a towel. I heard people gasp down stairs. I heard Sam's authoritative voice. Then I heard Charlie's weak voice. He didn't sound at all good. Jake picked me up into his arms carrying me down stairs. I could see why he didn't want me frantic. There was blood everywhere. I cringed at the smell gagging and choking. I saw them take Charlie in the ambulance Jake and me hopped in the back with Charlie. He was covered in blood. His eyes dazed. I don't know what was worse the fact that I was asleep during his suffering . Or the fact that she didn't get to me before him. I cried more.

I periodically got asked questions about Charlie's health. To the best of my knowledge he was fit as a whistle. Jake never let my side. Time from time he would have to drag me away from Charlie's comatose state to get something to eat. I couldn't eat. Charlie was hurt because of me. I still have no clue what happened. I had to know. Even if it killed me. " Jake?" I asked weakly plucking peas out of a microwave chicken pot pie.

" Yeah Bells?"

" What happened?" He sighed looked down. I saw he was angry. I saw Billy and Sam arrive at our side. Sam took over.

"Bella, When your father came home that thing. Victoria is that_ it's_ name?" My shutter confirmed this. " She was there waiting. Jake had been able to stand her off with Jared and Embry but it wasn't enough. Then your Father entered and things got out of hand. She used him to wager her escape. But in the end she tore off your fathers leg and we tore her to bits." I couldn't see anymore, tears filled my eyes. Jake was shaking softly Sam and Billy soothed him till he calmed down. Jake then got up and hugged me. I cried yet again in his arms. I had ruined my father. I let my fantasy mix with reality. The dream became too real. My father may die from this. It was my fault. Jake softly kissed me on my lips as tears rolled down my cheeks. This surpized Billy and Sam. But there was no time for scolding because thats when Charlie's doctor walked to us. Charlie had just died of heart complications. That is when I blacked out.

I came too with sleep crusting my eyes. My right eye didn't want to open. I sighed as I rubbed it till it functioned. I focused in on the room. This was not my room. This was Jake's small room. And there laying next to me was Jake. But he was not ... decent. All the events of the past few days surged thru me like a nightmare. Charlie's death. My emotional break down. At the funeral I was inconsolable. My teachers excused my absents from school. I had the week off. Then came last night. I was crying so much Jake had to hold me down to calm me. I thrashed screaming hysterical. I was alone now. No one could save me now. I damned Charlie along with me. It was my fault. As I screamed this out Jake held me till I lost all strength and let him win.

" Kiss me Jake, help me forget. I can't fell nothing anymore. I need to feel somthing." Was what I said. Jake did as he was instructed. Boy did I want to kick myself.

The kissing turned into passionate entanglements of lust and love that I was surprised he was able to contain himself previous till this night.

He ripped my clothing off as he did his own. His body was perfect. He asked me if I was sure about this. I answered with pulling him close giving him a soft kiss.

The fire the coursed thru my body with each kiss, each touch, each thrust... was maddening. Last night I was Jake's. Last night he definitely made me forget. He made me feel somthing other then pain. If I lost my father I might as well have lost my innocence. He made me forget that Charlie. My father had died. That the earth exploded and I'd wander space in search for reason. Jake. My rock gave me what he could. He gave me the ability to at least forget for that sum of hours. To feel for that sum of hours somthing other then pain.

" Hello love." He looked up at me smiling softly. I felt myself smile back. He slipped me into his arms softly and hugged me. " You'll be able to sleep at your place by tonight. Emily said she'd have the house cleaned by then." I had to thank Emily for everything she has done. I was worse then a Zombie the last few days. I was dead. Jake had to drag me everywhere. And he was still squeamish about bathing so Emily took care of that. Billy even inlisted the help of his two daughters Rebecca and Rachel. They were in town for a while till I recovered. I'd have to lie. I'll never recover from this. Not ever. My father is gone. I killed Charlie. I'd wish I was dead instead of him. But when I stare into Jake's eyes I see hope. Now I have an other reason to stay alive. Jake. I couldn't believe it but Jake's eyes where smoldering. There was a fire behind them that made my withering body warm up in life. A empty life. But still I think living for Jake was something to aspire to. I don't want him to ever feel this kind of pain. It would be to much for me to bare.

" What would you like for Breakfast?" he asked softly running his hand down the small of my back. Oh my goodness I wasn't dressed. I saw him lean over and kiss my shoulder as I scrambled for a blanket. Then I realized I was extremely hungry. The hungry pain shot threw me making me queasy. He laughed as I panicked and helped me pull the blanket up. " Bella I don't think you should ever be embarrassed, you are far to beautiful." I blushed, I couldn't help it. I decided to avoid this conversation.

" Any thing really. I think I could eat a horse right about now" He laughed at this and gave me a robe as he slip on his cut off jean shorts. I now saw Jake in a different light. I would always see the beauty of his body in the back of my head.

I wonder how life will go now. All alone in my house. First the universe. Now the earth. I now desperately clanged to my sun. Jake. I can't lose my sun. Then I will be forever lost in the dark.


	4. If Things Couldn't Get Any Worse

I slipped on the robe tying the strap around my waist. When I went to get up I felt a sharp stinging pain shoot thru me causing me to lay back down. Jake rushed to my side panicked.

" Bella?"!!!

" I can't walk it hurts to much." I saw Jake blush so deep I thought he hit his head." Jake?" He grinned looking down. I could see he was embarrassed.

" I'm sorry I got carried away." he hugged me softly. "Bella about last night. I know you don't feel the same way. I don't know why I couldn't control myself." He hung his head in shame. I smiled and hugged him softly.

"Let's eat first before we talk further" He picked me up carrying me to the kitchen where five faces met us. Rachel and Rebecca I hadn't seen them in so long. They both looks so beautiful staring at us; trying to fight a smile or a grin. Billy cleared his throat nodded at us. Billy sure did look uncomfortable. Sam and Emily where in the kitchen. Emily's eyes where with so much love and happiness that I felt uncomfortable. Sam's face was unreadable. Jake look down and smiled at me softly kissing my forehead sitting me down on the couch.

"Jake? Why are they acting like that?" I whispered. Jake turned a deep red and whispered into my ear.

"We were a bit ... Loud... Last night Bella. " OH MY GOD NO!!!! He sighed and we sat there, both embarrassed.

"So how do you like your eggs Bella?" Rachel asked me. I was so red I feared facing her. I sighed and turned to her asking for sunny side up. She smiled at me. Over all, breakfast was gratifying. Billy stared at Jake as if disapproving anything he'd say. Sam never looked at me. He stared at Jake, his face still unreadable. I noticed Jake stiffen as Rachel set down the pancakes. Rebecca smiled at me and Jake. She whispered something to Emily. I was so hungry I ate the eggs, sausage, bacon, and pancakes. I sighed sitting back. I was stuffed.

"So Bella you think going back to the house is to soon?" Did Sam actually talk to me? I almost spit out my orange juice.

"I still feel a bit tender about it. But I don't want to be a pain on Billy." I smiled Billy's way. Billy nodded, his face looked hardened since I last seen him. He must be angry about what happened last night. I looked away tracing a pattern in the condensation on the side of the glass. "I think it is best I do go back." I didn't need to look at Jake to see the disappointment. I had committed the biggest mistake in my life, I had indefinitely give Jake false hopes. I had given him something that was reserved for one other. I shuttered. But that person didn't want it. Didn't want me. Life has fallen absolutely apart for me. I almost buckled in under myself. Why couldn't he love me? Why would life give me so much happiness for such a short time. Then rip it away from me. That is the true joke. Life serves you lemons you make lemonade, yes? But what if there was a large flock of birds overhead. And the just filled the pitcher with excrement. Then what? Like hell your going to drink from that. I sighed as I asked Jake to drive me to my house. I suppose it is My house. Apparently Charlie left it to me. I still can't believe he left a will. It was as if he knew his time was up soon. I can't think of anything more painful. As Jake shut off the ignition he sat there with me in silence.

"Where does this lead us Bella?" he whispered. I winced at the thought of trying to make sense of all this.

" I don't know Jake, I need time to think it over" I saw his eyes grow sad. " I was a moment of impulse" he nodded in agreement. He was surprisingly calm.

" I will never forget what happened between us Bella, that was the most special moment of my life and I am honored that it was you who was my first. I know you don't feel that way about this. I know who you wanted to be your first." he looked down at his hands softly shaking. "Did you at least enjoy it?" His eyes for now full of tears. How could I answer this with out giving him anymore fault hopes.

"I did enjoy it, but I would have preferred something like that to happen under more...stable circumstances" I sighed. He sighed. We stood silent for a while. He finally opened the door and then opened mines.

"Lets get you some clothing" he smiled half heartily. There was pain underneath. I've damaged Jake. Every thing I touch becomes ruined.   
Becomes as damaged and as withered as I am. How could I have done this.

As we walked into the door I almost collapsed. All the emotions I had been feeling. All the emotions that I had experienced in the last number of days all came rushing back to me. I was home. An Empty home. With no Charlie. I killed Charlie. I started to cry involuntarily as Jake patted my shoulder.

"Wait.. Something is not right" His voice became huskier. I wiped the water curse that is my tear ducts moist. That is when I noticed it. The house was a mess. Some one had vandalized or robbed my home. Who could have done this?

This I noticed something moving under the couch. When I went closer I realized what it was. The phone Alice lent me.

"How long has It been since that day" I cringed at the thought of it. Jake calculated it and confidently spoke.

"10 days" Oh god. There must be here. The phone started to ring again. I picked it up.

"Hello" My voice broke.

"BELLA!!!!!" Alice was frantic. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I'VE BEEN CALLING--" I looked at the phone and gasped. The phone died.

" Crap" Was all I could say. Now I had a mission. Find a phone charger, before Alice kills me. What a mess I have made.


	5. The Ugly Confession

" Jake have you found anything?" I was desperately looking all over the house for something that may resemble a phone charger.

" Bella didn't your friend give you a number?"

" Oh..." I sighed hitting my head again the wall. Why didn't I think of that. Alice gave me a piece of paper with the number to her phone. Before I could start looking for the piece of paper the house phone rang. I ran to it but not before I tripped on a chair and fell. Jake caught me just in time.

" Thank you Jake." I tried to pry his hands off my waist trying to get to the phone but he didn't let go.

" Bella, can you reconsider?" His eyes pleaded with me. I couldn't look at them. They made me feel so guilty. " Bella you'll always have my heart." Oh god WHY?

" Jake I need to answer that phone." I reached for the phone with in a hair of touching it. Finally Jake picked it up and handed it to me walking away.

" Hello?"

" BELLA" It was my mother. She must have been worried.

" Are you ok!!??? WHAT HAPPENED. YOUR COMING HOME RIGHT NOW." Jake was picking things up. He reached for the broom and I handed it to me, he nodded and began to swept as I tried to calm my mother down.

" Mom, MOM !! I know. Please calm down" I had to be strong for her. If she hears me falter in composure she will crumble. I can't lose my mother as well. " Mom it is all ok the Blacks have helped me in everything."

" WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Her voice broke. I heard Phil in the background trying to calm her down. Tears streamed down my face but, I did my best to keep my tone calm.

" I was at the Blacks for the last couple of days. I couldn't stay here for a while mom." I saw Jake stiffen and start to shake. " Mom, Promise me you'll calm down?"

" Ok Bella, But me and Phil are on our way to pick you up"

" MOM, I can't LEAVE. I have to finish - crap" She hung up before I could finish. I looked out at Jake his head was shaking. "Jake?" He stared at me I heard a rip. Oh dear. I ran up the stairs as I saw Jake trying to struggle with keeping whole. That's when there was a knock on the door.

" BELLA!!!" Alice was right behind me and grabbed me by the waist pulling me back into my room. I was so confused to what was happening. Then I heard a roar. Oh no what was that . It was the worst thing I have ever heard. I covered my ears trying to stop the painful bellows from down stairs. I heard things breaking.

" What is happening.?!!" I yelled. Alice was screaming something I don't know what. Then I realized she was screaming at me. I uncovered my ears listening to Alice.

" WHO HURT YOU!!!?" Alice was frantic.

" No one hurt me!" I was confused, what was she talking about.

"Bella I smell blood everywhere, what happened? You reek of your own blood and that dog." She pointed down stairs. Oh dear. I can't tell her.

" Nothing happened. Accept Charlie being mortally injured by Victoria." I broke into tears. The truth can hid a lie pretty well. She held me with reserve. If she only knew how close Jake got. I felt so guilty about lying. I kept crying. Then I remembered. " Are you alone?"

" Jasper and Emmett are here." Oh no

" Please don't hurt Jake!!" I screamed I was franticly trying to make my way down stairs. Alice had me in her iron grasp. I was getting no where. Alice finally walked me down stairs. Jasper was in one corner with Emmett. Emmett had Jasper in a strangle hold. Jasper's eyes where black. Jake was in an opposite corner shaking erratically. He was trying so hard not to phase it was almost painful to see.

" Jake Calm down." He looked at me then at Alice and almost gagged.

" Step away from her Bella, I don't think I can't control myself if she is touching you." Jake's voice was rough his face contorted in a menacing snarl. I was crying by now. Alice let me go willingly. I stepped toward Jake who seemed to be calming down. " Thank you Bella" He sighed. I noticed he stopped calling me Bells, I was grateful to him for that.

" Bella, You reek of blood, seriously were you hurt." Alice's voice was tight and rigid. She stood by Jasper and Emmett. I can't tell her. I just can't.

" No I'm fine." I looked away towards the ground.

" Did he hurt you?!" Jasper hissed. I was surprised. He must be in a frenzy from all the blood that still lingered. Poor Charlie. I didn't notice I started to cry thinking this was where Charlie last stood before he went into a comma.

" I would NEVER HURT BELLA YOU LEECH" Jake yelled so loud it sounded like a roar. Alice almost stepped forward. Jake started to tremble. I stepped way from Jake. A cautionary step. Jake nodded" It is best your not near me right now." He held his head still shaking.

" Alice don't, he may phase. That is something we don't want" I was surprisingly calm. Alice nodded.

" I'll ask you for the last time Bella, did he hurt you." Alice knew something is wrong.

" No," I tried to be expressionless but, Jasper is here. Damn

"Bella why do you feel guilty?" Jasper hissed again. Emmett held on to him pretty good as Jasper jerked in his hold. Oh lord. Please don't. "Bella why are you panicked? " Jasper seemed to be getting a hold of himself but just barely. Emmett didn't falter.

" Jasper stop asking..." I whispered. I felt ashamed. Jasper went rigid and still. He stared at me and Jake. Alice was following his gaze confused. He was Double taking. Oh god he knows. He took one hard look at the robe I wore. He snarled. Alice's brow creased in confusion.

" Bella..." Jasper whispered in disappointment." Let me go I'm leaving." Emmett was surprised and looked at me. Alice looked at Jasper as he stormed out. Then she looked at me. I was hysterically crying now. Jasper was disappointed at me. Will he ever forgive me? Will any of them forgive me?

" Jake leave please." My voice cracked. Jake eyes showed pain and betrayal. I felt so guilty for hurting him. He was going to question me later I just know it. Jake ran out of the house towards the woods.

"Please tell Jasper to come in." Alice nodded, her face drenched in confusion. Alice drug Jasper back in who was glaring at me. Then someone I didn't expect. Rosalie was helping Alice with Jasper in the house. I have to face them now. But I couldn't stop crying.

Now alone I faced Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Great. I sat in a chair crying. I needed to calm down.

" Bella everything will be ok. " Alice soothed me softly. Jasper was restrained by Emmett and Rosalie. I looked down in shame once again. I'm an idiot.

" No it wont" I whispered. " I've ruined everything." I kept crying, tears streaming down my face. " Jasper please forgive me." This made everyone turn to Jasper stunned.

" Of coarse I will ... but your lucky we couldn't find Edward." Jasper sighed. They couldn't Find him. Where could he be?

"Ok I am lost" Alice muttered.

" Ditto" Emmett and Rosalie both said.

" I did something very bad last night" I looked at them with tears running down my cheeks. "It will cost me everything I love. I was stupid" I shook my head pulling at my hair sobbing. Alice didn't even know how to start. For the first time I saw Rosalie genuinely nervous and concerned. "Edward will never forgive me" That's all it took for Rosalie and Alice to clue in. Emmett was still oblivious. I sat down and they joined me at the table.

"What ? " Emmett stared at us. I never seen him with a more clueless expression before.

" Emmett, I lost my ..." I choked at that part. " I ruined everything" I held on to the table for support my body trembling from the violence of my hysteria.

"Em, she slept with the dog" Rosalie whispered softly. Emmett was not happy. It only made me cry more.

" But Bella, how could you? Doesn't Edward's feelings matter at all?" Alice was speaking in a unsure tone and hurt. I could hear the pain in her voice.

" Alice he doesn't love me. He said so. Plus I wasn't in the best state of mind. But still I've ruined my life. I killed Charlie, Victoria was after me and instead she hurt Charlie. I don't even remember the last 10 days." I concentrated on the cracks in the table whispering. " I was weak. Since Edward doesn't love me anymore I thought I could start over?" Alice looked at me irate.

" Bella, Stop talking like that. Didn't I tell you Edward is being over dramatic?" I nodded Rosalie handed me a napkin. I thanked her as Alice continued. " Edward loves you Bella. He is just convinced he is no good for you and that your better off with that Newton boy" I gagged at the name. This made Emmett smile.

" Alice It never made sense for him to love me. He just realized that and wanted you all to leave cause of it. It never made sense to me" I looked down as Alice muttered something about stubbornness.

Emmett sighed looking at Jasper who was also annoyed. Rosalie didn't met my eyes but her expression was worry. Rosalie dialed on the number pad of her cell phone sighing. I didn't catch when she changed the battery but there it was on the table. I must have been crying to much.

" I don't know why I try the little brat wont answer" Rosalie muttered. Alice smiled.

"There is always room for surprises" Alice winked as Rosalie's face grew still.

" Hello Edward" Rosalie whispered. I don't know why I did it but I ran up the stairs into Charlie's room. There on his bed I sobbed franticly. I tried to recapture his smell. The slight odor of fish and old spice. I wished for him to come back to me. I wished for my angel to still love me. Alice was just being nice.

" Bella , please calm down" Jasper's voice was out side the door. He sat on the floor staring at me. Alice joined me on the bed. " Crying wont solve anything. I'm sorry I reacted like that" He sighed looking down. I tried to calm down but my heart was trying to wrench out of my body from all the stress. Finally a wave of calm spread thru the room. I was surprised It took Jasper so long to use his powers. I sat up in Alice's lap. All of a sudden Alice went rigid. Jasper was next to her with in a second calming her down. She looked ill then turned to me.

"What do you see?" my tone anxious. Alice regained composer and looked at me with so much hurt in her eyes I almost started to cry again.

" Bella, call your mom and tell her not to board a plane." I screamed reaching for anything that resembled a phone. Alice gave me hers and I dialed the number pad making mistakes. Then Alice took it away and calmly punched in the numbers I whispered to her. She handed me the phone a second later. It was ringing.

" Hello?" It was Renee, I tried to keep calm.

" Mom, don't come here please." I could feel myself falling apart. " It is best that you just stay in Jacksonville till a few weeks... Mom?" She was silent then I noticed the call was cut off. I hit redial shaking. Alice soothed me

" Hello ? Bella?" Renee was a little anxious now. She was some where public. I heard a commotion in the back ground.

" Mom. Do Not come here, please listen to me. It is to much trouble and I know how you get lost and all. Mom give me time to at least come down there after a graduate."

" Bella don't be silly I'm just about to board the plane" Oh no.

" MOM don't get n the plane please mom listen to me." I was desperate Alice was stiff again. " Mom don't get on the plane, just go back to Phil please" I was breaking down. But she wasn't even listening.

" Bella I got to go there boarding right now I-" I cut her off.

" DON'T YOU DARE GET ON THE PLANE MOTHER!!!" My lips twitched after that bellow my mother was left silent.

" Isabella Marie Swan, you do not talk to me like that. And for one thing I'm not letting you live up there alone I am your mother and I am getting on that plane and that is final."

" No mom please listen to me it is best this way, don't get on the plane."

" Good bye Isabella"

"MOM NO" The line went silent. I must have hit redial a dozen times getting voice mail each time before I lost myself crying the rest of the night with Alice.

As dawn approached Alice took me down the stairs to watch T.V. As she flipped thru the channels I stopped her at the news channel. There was a big story about a plane crash out side of the Rockies. The flight was out of Jacksonville. There were no survivors. I blacked out.


	6. My Angel and The Fog

I don't remember much. Only that Alice told me I was excused for an other week of school she told them what had happened. Renee and Phil were on that plane. I lost everything. I lost every single thing that tied me to this life - that mattered. Alice and Jasper had there hands full with me. I was a mess.

Emmett told me he couldn't bare seeing me this way as he sobbed with me. It was astonishing to see how humble Emmett truly was. Rosalie didn't like seeing Emmett this way and suggested he leave to the house. Alice and Jasper insisted I go the house as well. Like I had a choice. I had to take a bath before I left. I still reeked of blood. Jasper was barely capable of functioning. For his sake I didn't fight.  
As we left Charlie's house the porch was littered with flowers and condolences of my fathers and my mothers passing. I couldn't bare looking at it. Alice crawled in the back seat with me as I tried to concentrate on not crying.

" Bella, Edward is going to come home soon. So don't worry. Also no more detrimental thoughts please. He'll explain him self soon enough." I sighed looking away. She wasn't there when he told me. I winced at the thought of it making Alice hold me closer. Thank goodness it felt like a few seconds before we got to the Cullen's. I wasn't even leaning up when Esme opened my door hugging me tightly.

" I'm so sorry Bella, I'm so sorry." She softly kissed my cheek. I lamented freely in her arms as she carried me in the house. Esme was my only mother now. Carlisle was my only father now. There was no argument. I was officially a Cullen. But I wanted something more then to be just a Cullen. I wanted Edward. But that is impossible. He hated me. He'll ostracize me for bothering his family in such a way. I have to prepare myself. I loved him so much. Why did I do this to myself. Jacob... I still think of him standing over me asking if I was sure about this. I should have said no. But I didn't care at the time. But I should have. Now I have to face Edward. If he comes. If he cares to come. He must have put up a fight to not return. I don't blame him. Esme laid me down on Edward's sofa humming a soft lullaby. Alice entered with her cell phone speaking low.

" Carlisle is on his way with him... " She smiled snapping her phone shut. " After he heard what happened to Charlie and Renee he became frantic. They should be here in an hour" I panicked. I started to cry begging to leave. I wanted to hide in a hole and never come out. I couldn't bear to face Edward in such a state.

Emmett's thoughts will inform him before will ever have a chance to confront him. I really didn't want to be in the same state as Edward right now. Oh no what if he goes after Jake. I have to tell him it is my fault. All my fault, Jake did ask me if I was sure. But I wasn't even the best state of mind either. I was having delusions. But still I was solely responsible. I couldn't run away. I couldn't leave this all on Jake. What would that say of me. Besides where would I run too?  
Alice and Esme would hold me down easily. I was stuck. As I struggled to catch a breath Esme held me trying to get me to calm down.

" Bella you smell different." Esme looked down at me confused. I shrugged and leaned against Esme's body. "Don't worry Bella everything will be fine. Everything will be ok." I dreaded Edward's return as much as I relished it.

" Esme may I have a glass of water?" I asked thinly. She nodded and kissed my forehead.

"Ice?"

"Yes, please" She smiled before walking out of the room. Alice listened for a few seconds before she started to speak.

" Bella, you have a big problem."

" Yes I know. Edward will be furious to see me here"

" Quit being so stubborn, he loves you. What he wont love is the fact that you..." Alice went stiff. I looked at her perplexed as I heard the door slam.

" WHAT ON EARTH !!." I know that voice anywhere. I'd answer that voice in death if possible. But right now I wanted to jump out the window. An hour felt like ten minutes. Not a second after I thought this Edward appeared at the door. His eyes were a mixture of rage and agony. He looked at me on only me. I started to weep. I curled into a ball shielding myself from his hostile leer. I heard Alice yell at him to leave me alone but he only shoved her out of the room slamming the door. I sobbed hysterically now. Alone in a room with him. I'm lucky he doesn't kill me.

" Bella, what did that dog do to you?" His voice was drenched in pain. I felt him take a hold of me . He uncurled me and held my head up to his face. His expression was filled with a misery and torture that I couldn't begin to comprehend. I stared blankly and shocked, he was so beautiful, my angel.

" What did he do you to you Bella?' His brow creased to accentuate his pain. I never seen his lower lip quiver before. " Bella answer me what did that beast do to you... I'll Kill HIM" I was to shocked to answer. His beauty always caught me off guard. I felt hole again. His voice roared out as he looked into space. His eyes darting contemplating, calculating. I started to beg. I had to save Jake from such a fate.

" It's my fault , Jake is not to blame. I'm solely responsible. So do what you must to me please don't hurt him." I would have continued if Edward didn't interrupt me. He was irate.

" What do you mean It is your fault? Bella I would never harm you in such away. He will answer me for this. I will kill him for touching you." I started to cry again. I was so angry he didn't listen to me. What is the matter with him? " Bella, I'm sorry this was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Leaving you hear to deal with Victoria. Then your father's and your mother's passing." He snarled now " Then I left you in the hands of dogs that violated you." He growled furiously holding me tighter. " I will never let it happen again, no one will ever hurt you in such away." What is he talking about?

" Edward , Jake ... didn't rape me." He didn't understand me. His face suddenly grew stiff.

" You willingly..." His voice broke at the end. I don't think I could have started to weep any more hysterically. He didn't look at me. I've lost him.

" Edward please forgive me." My eyes couldn't see him. To many tears. I furiously wiped them away as I stood stunned at what I saw. Edward's eyes were clinched tightly, his fist on his mouth. I don't know what he was doing. His body started to convulse as a cry of agony escaped his lips partly muffled by his fist. I backed away but he pulled me close hugging me tightly. " Edward, I'm sorry I came here I wasn't in my place to do so. I'll leave as soon as possible" He opened his eyes looking at me.

" You think I'm angry cause my family came to look for me?"

" Yes... I know you were preoccupied with your distractions. I told them you wouldn't want to come. I know what you said in the woods was final. I didn't want to be of nuisance." He looked like he would cry. His hands softly touched my face. I looked into his eyes not daring to move and inch.

" Isabella, I love you more then anything in this world. I'm angry that I lost you already. Of all things. To a werewolf." He looked away still trembling.

" What?" I was so confused. What does he mean lose me? He never wanted me in the first place.

" Bella, I lied to you in the woods. I meant for you to move on. And you have. I'll tell the others. We wont bother you -." I panicked I didn't want them to leave.

" Please don't go!! Please" His eyes were so gorged with sorrow I began sobbing franticly chocking on my own words. "I know you don't care for me or love me. But please don't leave me your all I have left." I let out a scream of agony as I kneeled to the floor clenching his hand. He quickly picked me up and held me.

" Bella, I love you, I love you, I love you." each time he said this he kissed my lips. My heart fluttered each time. He carefully held me looking into my eyes. " Bella, I never want to hear you in such pain. I can never hate you, I can never be angry at you. I'm furious at myself. For leaving you with so much on your plate. I'm furious that dog took advantage of you in such a weak state. Could you still love me after all that I have done ? " His eyes smoldered as he wiped my tears away.

" You don't have to ask. I can never hate you. I hate myself. I ruined everything. I can never feel this way for Jake. Nothing can change how much I love you. You are the reason I breath Edward. But I understand if you want nothing with me. I am a wh-" He stopped me there was rage in his eyes.

" Bella, did you hear anything that I just said?" I nodded. I heard everything he said. " You don't believe I love you?" I nodded again. He made a sound of agony that I couldn't bear hearing. " Have I hurt you to much ? Has that wolf really influenced you ?" His eyes filled with the pain as before. I couldn't bear to look.

I tried to choke out these words as I recovered from sobbing" No and No. It never made sense for you to love me. I thought you become tired of me. I'm only a human and all. I was grateful for what you gave me." I started to sob again as He stopped me

" Bella, never doubt in my love for you. It is stronger then my own will. I can never stop loving you. EVER. My heart is sealed with your heart. Nothing can change my mind. You are not just a human. Your my Bella. The only thing that's given my existence true meaning. Don't cry my angel - my reason to exist. I love you" He breathed softly revealing this his eyes sad- burning through mine. The cogs started to turn. Did he really love me?

" Edward Cullen, are you saying you truly love me?" My voice must have sounded terrible after all that I have yelled today. He nodded. This time, tears of joy escaped my eyes as I hugged him. He hugged me back lovingly. I loved this man. And he loved me.

" My angel" he whispered softly as he kissed me. My heart raced. I was his.

" Come in," Edward muttered. I didn't hear a knock. Carlisle and Alice entered the room. Alice smiled softly as Carlisle nodded, he looked the same from the last time I seen him. I then noticed Carlisle look at me with an odd expression. Edward immediately became angry.

" NO!" Edward screamed at the top of his lungs. I stared shocked at him. What did Carlisle say? " Your wrong!!!" Edward shook his head in disbelief. Alice looked like she was going to sob, her head hung . " I don't believe you!!" Edward was up and moving breaking a notebook that looked fairly new in half throwing the wasted piece of technology into the corner. His eyes mad with fury. I was scared.

" Edward your scaring her." Carlisle said calmly. "She can't be stressed in such a state Edward. She is far too delicate right now" What is he talking about? I started as Edward went on his knees making the same noise of agony from before. I began to sob, yet again. I felt my tear ducts itch in pain. I swear blood will come out next.

" What do you mean Carlisle?" He looked at me still calm as Alice looked surprised. Then they looked at Edward who was still on the floor. I heard Edward saying something about dogs but I didn't catch much of it.

" Bella, please be calm it but I've just made a discovery" He looked at Edward who was sitting in the corner his face showed agony and defeat.

I was anxious. What discovery? "I'm not following you Carlisle. What discovery?"

He sighed and sat next to me as calm as anyone else in a casual conversation.

" Bella your with child." A fog grew thick in the room. Or was it my head? I felt dizzy. I can't be. The fog clouded my vision I was completely lost now.

Edward help me...


	7. Stage Left : Romeo And Paris Met

I have so much school work to make up it wasn't funny. I was excused for most of my assignments but my cal test killed me. But so far I was doing good. Alice was a good tutor. But still, I was struggling. I refused Alice's offer of doing my homework. She was the only one who returned to school. Edward has been acting strangely since the news. He never wants to talk about it. I noticed he stood in his room with the door locked, even when I was there

Esme is enjoying herself cooking for me and helping me with baby stuff. I really don't want to think of these sort of things. In fact I'm down right mortified by the fact that I am pregnant. It still hasn't sunk in yet. My tummy started to show just slightly. It's nothing a baggy shirt couldn't cover. Carlisle said we'd have to go to Denali for my privacy after graduation. He was kind of enthusiastic about the idea of a baby in the house. I told no one out side the family of my pregnancy. I took extra care of myself when I was in Gym. Mike had pestered me about looking different which I shot down as well as another date proposal. Moron...

Besides ostracizing my friends from school- strictly sitting with Alice and only Alice; I mainly spent my time at the Cullen's. Edward and I barely speak. It just like before he left me. My heart is breaking again. Jasper would help me but my potent scent is driving him mad. Apparently my pregancy is making my scent twice as alluring. Heh... thats my luck.

I sometimes stay at Charlie's house for Jaspers sake. Edward doesn't join me often. Rosalie likes me even less now. I don't know why. I've contemplated suicide for a few days now. But I stopped that as soon as Alice came over around 3 am screaming at me for the last couple of days. I would sometimes cry begging Alice for forgiveness. Alice would forgive me every time. She tells me there is nothing to be sorry for. She's being nice again.

Jake... I haven't told Jake yet. Billy will be upset. I don't think the word upset would cover it. Jake is so young. He has a very important job to do. I can't get in the way of that. With a baby. With my luck.

Emmett and Jasper have has to keep Edward under close surveillance after the episode he had a month ago. As soon as I passed out Edward was going to go the Blacks and Kill Jake. It took Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, and Carlisle to hold him down. Esme stood with me trying to revive me. Alice told me she has never seen Edward lose his temper and control in such away. The strength that mustered within him that night even shocked Emmett.

Tonight I'm going to stay at Charlie's. Jasper was having a bad night and Rosalie almost had a tantrum for my presents there. I almost contemplated running home but thank goodness I came in my truck. But I did run out of the house. As the days drew by, my welcome at the Cullen's lessened and lessened. Pretty soon I'll have no one. I was crying as I drove up to the house. It was raining of coarse. When I went to open the truck door it was already open for me. Jake held an umbrella holding his free hand out to help me out. I smiled softly. It was the only genuine smile I've had in a month.

"Sorry I haven't gone to La push Jake..." I looked at him trying to gage his reaction. Only a bright smile greeted me. It made me feel so much better.

"Like I said Bella, in my eyes you never do anything wrong." I almost snorted. I've ruined everything I touched. I can't ruin Jake. He walked me to the house. As I opened the door I could still smell the blood. It will forever haunt me. I opened the windows as he turned on the lights and looked in the refrigerator. "Hungry?" Jake asked searching the frig. He has no Idea. At school I have been eating my entire tray plus Alice's it was shocking for even me .

"You have no Idea." I sighed and sat on the couch. He sat next to me turning on the T.V. It was still on the news channel which was discussing how the plane crash could have prevented. I just wish people would let things go. Give it a rest. I can never properly heal from this if they are dissecting every failure that happened on the plane. The fact that the plane was not inspecting in 5 years. Or the fact that the pilot was a suspecting heroine user only makes me angrier. Jake quickly flipped the Channel to some music channel.

" Thank you Jake." I whispered. He nodded softly.

" I'm ordering Pizza. What's your preference?" Oh dear ... I was so hungry. I had the weirdest cravings lately.

" Sausage, pineapple and anchovies." I blurted out. Jake made a face as he looked at me.

" Bella you ok?" ... Damn.

" Yes I am ok Jake. I'm trying something new" I lied. He didn't buy it. Damn again...

" Bella, don't hurt your self over this. It isn't your fault. You shouldn't be abusing yourself like this." ...? What ?

" Explain?" I was confused. But I was scared of what was to come.

" You don't think I noticed you gained weight?" Jake pointed at my tummy. Oh dear... Lie ... Lie your but off. He can't know. Things will get worse Bella... Lie for his sake. Lie to save him. I thought to myself.

" I'm just hungry Jake that's all." He sighed and reached over to touch my stomach. I panicked. I jumped up and pretended to be mad. " Jacob Black!!" I screamed. He backed down. Close one.

" Sorry," he turned his full attention to the phone. I sat back down screaming in my head. What am I going to do when he sees me consume that pizza by myself? For once I needed Jake to be oblivious to this. His life depended on it. " They'll be here in 45 minutes" He sat back down next to me paying attention to the T.V. I sat back and relaxed. " What are you hiding from me Bella?" ... Shit. I quickly jumped to the edge of the sofa and looked at him.

" So I have to be hiding something to not want to be touched?" I was giving my best performance. " Don't I have rights over my own body and who or when someone can or can't touch me?" He shrunk down and sighed. Good ..

" I know something is up Bella. I just don't understand why do you hide it from me? Are you that depressed that you are taking it out on your self? Bella, your my friend as well as the woman I eternally love. But I wont stand around and play dumb when I know you are suffering." I almost sighed in relief. He thinks I'm getting fat on purpose. Well... sort of.

" Jake I'm just hungry. That's all. I haven't really eaten since ..." I stopped. The morning after I gave myself to Jake. I had eaten so much I almost thru up. Rachel was a good cook. Or was it Rebecca? I didn't even remember which cooked. But I knew they both cooked good. So with that knowledge I confidently ate. Jake looked away blushing. Oh dear.

"Bella, there is not a night that I don't think of what happened between us. There is not a day that I can not think of anything else other then your beauty. The guys are sick of me already. You are all I think about." Oh no please I can't do this. He slid closer to me hugging me softly. I couldn't pull away from his strength. I hugged him back. Then I felt it. His burning hand on my stomach. His eyes expressed shock. I don't know what my face showed but it only confirmed his suspicion. That sneaky little ... oooooo. He had been suspecting of it. Why would he play dumb. Clever Jake. Damn.

"... so it's true. What Rachel and Rebecca had been suspecting was true."

"What do you mean suspecting?"

" I was confused by your sudden disappearance. You never called me. You barely stood here and if you did you where with one of them..." He shook his head and sighed. I was hysterical.

"WHAT do you MEAN suspecting?!!!" He rubbed my shoulders softly looking into you my eyes.

" Bella... there is no such thing as safe sex with a werewolf... They suspected that you were pregnant. My father almost had a heart attack when they voiced it." I was in shock. He knew that there was no safe way to be with a werewolf and he still... I shrugged away from him walking to the kitchen.

"Bella?"

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

" Sam told me during breakfast but I didn't believe him. But then I was confirmed Sam's theory after I left you here with them. When I got home Rachel, Rebecca, and Emily where talking about it. I was calling you Bella." He pointed to the phone. "You were never home" This was true I had to give him that. I curled on the floor rocking back and forth. " Bella, please forgive me." He sat next to me. I was crying again. " Please don't cry Bella, it's not good for the baby." I saw his eyes light up a bit at the word. Baby. I was crying on the out side but losing my mind on the inside. Oh god I'm pregnant. I can't take care of this child. I'm ruined. I ruined the family name. I ruined Charlie's reputation. Everything. Even after death I manage to screw there lives up. " I promise nothing will hurt you. Nothing will hurt our child." He was already protective. Oh no. There was a knock on the door. I jumped and half screamed. Jake laughed soothing me. He lifted me up into his arms and carried me to the sofa. Lord now I was getting the special treatment. " Pizza man .." He opened the door as some kid told him the total. Then I realized that was Tyler Crowley. OH GOD WHY ME?

" Hey Bella, How are you feeling?" Damn it Damn it Damn it.

" Somewhat ok. Thanks for asking" Each word was so painful to speak. I hated this kind of talk. Jake stared at the boy waiting for him to hand over the pizza's.

" Pizzas?" Jake muttered.

" Money?" Tyler spoke

" I just gave it to you genius." Tyler blushed a deep red realizing this. Jake put the pizza's down as Tyler fumbled for the change. " You know what, just keep the 5 bucks, have a good night" Jake softly closed the door cursing under his breath. I had to laugh. The only other time I seen Tyler humiliated that way was when Edward took me to prom. I grew sad thinking of that. Prom. My next prom was approaching. Edward defiantly wanted nothing to do with me. I had broke his heart. I was so stupid and selfish. " Was he your friend?" Jake asked as he sat by me.

"Goodness no."

"Good, then I don't feel bad." He chuckled under his breath opening the box and handing me a slice. I didn't notice the coke he ordered with the pizza's until he handed me a full glass. Jake was treating me more kind then usual. Was it cause of the baby? "Where does this lead us?" Jake suddenly asked as I was just starting on the fifth slice. He caught me off guard.

" What? " I mumbled as I chewed a slice that was half way out of my mouth. It made him laugh and he gave me a napkin.

"Bella, you make me so happy." He smiled at me but then his face turned serious. " So, where does this lead us?" He rubbed my stomach softly. As I looked up a him I saw it. I saw the loved that burned in his eyes. The same love I saw in Sam's eyes when he looked at Emily. I looked away. My heart raced. I couldn't take the look he gave me. It stirred to many feelings that I buried after the night I gave myself to him.

" I don't know." He sighed and sat back taking a bite out of an other slice. " Jake, there is to much going on. To much has occurred. I'm going crazy." He hugged me again softly breathing down my neck. The feeling of his heat sent sparks inside me. I tried to pull away but he didn't let me. He turned to my face his lips brushed against my cheek. I was speechless. He leaned in to kiss me when he jerked his head faceing the door. He began to shake. I quickly jumped up and went into the kitchen. Then I heard the knock. Jake growled protectively. They knocked again I could hear the annoiance that grew urgent. I could only be polite no? I knew it was a vampire on the other side. I worried that I knew who it was exactly.

" Who is it?" I wanted to slap myself.

" Who else would it be Bella?" That musical voice traveled thru me like a breath of fresh air. I almost screamed in joy. But then the sick feeling seeped in. Jake and Edward in the same house. Chaos. I walked to the door unlocking it. I didn't have time to open it cause he already had. Edward stood near the entrance with flowers and a balloon that read: "I'm Sorry, I love you" I wanted to cry from the joy but Jake's growls pulled me back to earth. Edward looked down at me with his smoldering topaz eyes.

" You get away from her Leech" Jake by now stood up his inter body shaking. " Get away from the mother of my child." This made me and Edward wince. The word child affected everything it touched.

" Jacob Black, she may be the mother of your child... but I'm not going anywhere till she tells me to. " Edward looked at me with hopeful eyes. I hugged him tightly. This made Jake gag and howl.

" Bella I will not permit that leech anywhere near my child!! DO YOU HEAR ME" His tone scared me. Edward immediately became defensive.

" Don't you DARE talk to her in such a manner Jacob Black not in front of me. NOT ever. No such nonsense will be permitted by me. Bella can not deal with such stress Jacob, lets not make this ugly." Jake kept shaking. Edward only covered me from Jake's sight. I was sobbing. I hate crying. I hate it so much my head hurt from it.

"Lets." Jake tried to calm down heading to the door. Edward moved me away from the door and close to the T.V. Jake and Edward never stopped their eye contact. I saw pure hate in Jake's eyes. I didn't want to see what was on Edward's face. " I will be out side. I will not in any moment leave Bella alone with you!!" Jake spat this at Edward. I noticed Edward shaking too. I never seen him so mad.

" Take care of the words you speak in front of her Jacob Black." Edward's tone was dead and cold.

" I know what I say." He was on the patio tipping over dead flowers. This house looked like a funeral. This house was fit and ready to be buried as it's owner, me, was. Because if anything were to happen to Jake or Edward. I will surely die.


	8. The Stars Fall On The Light Sky

"Bella!!?" Edward softly touched me- his eyes panicked.

" Edward she is suffering from a dizzy spells I highly doubt it will lead to anything other then keeling over." Alice sardonically stated as we drove back to the house after a long tedious day at Forks high school After the confrontation with Jake about a month ago Edward insisted I stay at his house. But to his dismay I declined his offer. I need to stay at the house more often. I have to try and think. I have to figure out things. Jake was the father but Edward still held my heart. But Jake did as well no? Jake did hold apart of my heart. I'll never admit this to anyone not even myself, but, I wanted Jake badly that night. I wanted his touch. I wanted to know his caress. It was more then I could have ever bargained. But now I'm in a wall and a hard place.

Graduation is coming soon. Prom is tomorrow night. Alice insists I go but now is not the time for celebration. I haven't visited Charlie's grave since he passed. That has to be the one thing I'm going to do today. I will visit my father. I know it is crazy but maybe visiting him may help me.

" Take me home Alice." I spoke quietly as Edward held me.

" We are going home Bella w-." I interrupted here there.

" I mean to Charlie's." Alice turned to look at my in shock. Edward turned my face to him his face full of pain and anger.

" I forbid you to go back there. That- Jacob will cross the line again and tempt me Bella. You don't want him to temp me." I tried my best to fight the tears. The pain I was causing was killing me inside. I shook my head looking stern.

" You will take me back to my fathers house Edward Cullen and you will do it now." His grip loosened. His facial features contorted into a anguished horror - stricken grimace. I never thought my words would ever affect him like that. He shook his head as if fight off nausea. " Edward?" I went to touch him but his shrugged me away.

" Give me a minute please Bella.." He trailed off looking out the window as Alice made a U-Turn. I turned away cradling my stomach softly. I never thought life would deal such harsh cards. Who am I kidding. I dealt my own cards this time. If I had will power. If I was a decent person I would have never asked Jake such a thing. I ruined more lives in the process of destroying my own. I could never forgive myself.

" I would give my existence to know what you are thinking right now." Edward mused softly still looking out the window. I didn't think before I said it. I regretted it before I spoke it. But, I couldn't stop it.

" That would surly be a waste if you did." I couldn't believe I was being so cold to him. I felt him wince from that comment. Alice stared at me from the rear view mirror in disbelief. I sighed and spoke to Alice this time. " Alice I just want to go visit Charlie's grave. I just want to do things at the house I still haven't had time to do. I just need time alone." I rubbed my forehead sighing.

" You know he will use this opportunity to take advantage of you as he was going to before ." Edward growled this clinching his fist. " I can handle my self Edward. After all I survived you leaving me the first time. I survived unstable teenage werewolf's. I think I can handle some alone time." Edward looked at me with a carefully blank face and turned away quickly. Alice just stared at me not even paying attention to the road. Oh wait. We were in front of Charlie's- well, my house. I exited the car calling out to Alice that I'll call her when I'm ready. Alice nodded as I saw Edward lay down in the back seat. I watched Alice look back and sigh pulling out and leaving. I heard a noise in the car. I didn't make my self remember were I heard that scream before.I walked to the house. The house was in disarray. I angrily stomped in and got to work. First I had to do away with the faint blood smell if I was going to stay her more often. I went to the kitchen retrieving bleach from under the counter. I poured it concentrated on the floor and used the mop to spread it evenly over the surface. After that I opened the windows airing out the bleach smell. Then I stared to pick of the pieces of broken table when Jasper and Emmett were stuck in the same room with Jake that fateful day. I also picked up vases of dead flowers and figurines that where left on my porch when I first lost my family. My human family. This was too much to bare. I had so much to do. I had to go to Jacksonville when possible to look thru my mothers things. I had to make the memorial services. I can't believe I didn't do that during the month. But I was still in shock. How could I. Even though they still didn't find the bodies yet I knew she was gone. My reality was nonexistent. As I cleaned up the living room I was mentally preparing myself for the visit I'd have to pay to Charlie. A well deserved visit I might add. I knew I was going to be in pieces when I go. But I had to. I owed him that much. I have to own up to my mistakes. My mistake of not being the one dead. I locked up the house and waked to my truck. The engine roared to life as I pulled out and drove in the direction of La Push. This is where the cemetery was that Charlie wished to be buried at. I had to honor his respects no? As I drove away I swear I saw red on the rear view mirror. But I shook it off as nonsense. I didn't think much I spent most of my time concentrating on driving.

When I finally got to the cemetery I couldn't move. I stared at the stirring wheel. I shook violently with wretched stinging tears that I wish I could control. I leaned back sobbing screaming at the top of my lungs. I wonder if the pregnancy is what has my hormones in shambles. I felt a soft knock on the door. I turned to see who I haven't seen in a month.

Jake opened the door looking at me concerned. Of coarse he was concerned. I sniffled and motioned a hello his way. He smiled and picked me up out of the cabin of the truck walking out to what I hoped was his Charlie's grave.

" I was visiting your father as well Bella." He softly spoke. As we got closer to the grave I noticed there were piles of flowers and balloons. I cried in Jake's arms. What was I to do? I couldn't believe I forgot to bring flowers. I was so angry with my self. " Bella don't beat yourself up over this." He hugged me softly laying me next to what was left of my father. I couldn't take it. I grabbed on though the headstone crying. I begged Charlie for forgiveness for every little thing I had ever done to upset him. I begged for things I should have done. It was a long two hours for me. As dusk approached Jake grabbed me walking me to first beach which was around the corner. He sat in the wet sand as I tried to recover my composer.

" Thank you Jake." was all I could stammer out between the choking sobs. He smiled and hugged me lovingly. Damn it Jake.

" Bella I you need to calm down. All this tension is bad for the baby." He softly ran his fingers thru my hair. I looked down. I really have no Idea why he saying that. Isn't a girl aloud some emotional breakdown's? Well maybe not as many as I seem to be having but still. I noticed some red on the sand I sat on but I didn't register it. I thought it was my mind playing tricks. When I looked up I found myself stunned. Jake's lips where on mine. The fire that burned was intense. That fire. That passion that existed that fateful night almost two months ago resurfaced. He laid me down on the wet sand our lips never parting. My body responded the same way as that night. What is wrong with me? How could I be doing this to Jake. I tried to pull away but Jake didn't give. It felt like we kissed for forever when finally his lips parted mine - our tongues unlatched and separated - his wise bold eyes opened looking deep within me. Like I was made of glass. His words took the breath out of me.

" Tell me you love me Bella." His hot breath brang what was to be a continual flush to my face. I turned away from him. I can't tell him something like that. Everything I touch dies. Everything I love leaves me. Whether it be in life or death, they leave. " Please Bella... You can't seriously see that... Cullen-" His face contorted when he said this as if it cause him physical pain to utter his real name instead of the deep rooted slur instilled into him like it was apart of his genetic makeup. " As anything permanent ? Bella he is a vampire. Vampire's are self serving. Selfish. They no nothing of sacrifice as a constant torment. They only sulk and ponder it. They never have to make continual sacrifices as we do Bella." I was left shocked and irate by his words. Edward has sacrificed everything for me. He sacrificed the safety of his family for me. His way of life for me. But then Jake did hit a cord. Vampire's are self serving. Selfish. Edward did say he was to selfish to leave me. But then again he did leave me. He left me with so much to deal with. My world indefinitely turned upside down. But Edward and the Cullens have given up their instinctual need to feed off of humans. That should count for something?

" Jake they give up the very thing that they stand for. They given up human blood. Carlisle is very strict and they are all good people-" Jake interrupted me his expression carefully holding in rage- he shook on top of me softly.

"Bella.. How many times have any or either of them slipped? How many times have they committed crimes to preserve their life style. They are a family of self serving lunatic vampire's! Blood suckers ! Leeches BELLA! They are not people. They are monsters. Like I am, they are too. Accept they are not tied with the bonds of a pack. They leave when they please... like cats. They left once to make there life style convenient Bella. But, when the time comes they will leave you again Bella." I started to cry hitting him begging him to shut up. How could he be so cold. He continued. " There is nothing more dangerous then a vampire that denies him self. Yes they are 'good' but for how long till they go mad with the blood heed and call ?'" I was surprised at Jake's choice of words. I never heard him speak in such a way. He must have been practicing this like a speech. " Bella you can't deny me like this. Tell me you love me . I feel it in your kiss. I feel it in how your body reacts. I feel it every time you look at me . Your the only thing that makes me want to try and live normally instead of sinking in on my self for what I am. I still hate this Bella. I'm TOO good at what I do. Does that make me any more of a monster then them? If I was more savage would that do it for you? Do I need to constantly put you in danger with my proximity for you to love me like you love that dead frigid piece of nothingness." I slapped him for that one. How could he say that. He stood surprisingly calm. His eyes never leaving mine. He still pined me on the sand and the tide was coming in. I couldn't begin to argue with him. I was too hurt and too scared. Scared of my own feelings. " Bella say it ... I know you love me. Just forget that thing for now. You, me, and what is to come Bella. I asked you that night. I asked if you were sure of it. The look in your eyes matched my feelings for you. I never felt so free. I lost myself in you Bella. I can't see the light anymore. You've driven me mad with love." His head shaking. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he said this to me. The night sky was apparent as the moon shown over us. The silhouette of his face exaggerated his expression of agony. I don't know what to say. Where were my words? Where was my ability to think? The shock of all this information was to much. My love was Edward. But we have barely spoke. Every time the conversation was turned to what I was expecting he curled in on himself with pain. I would try to comfort him but he would only scream how he could never give me the one thing he wishes for in his existence. I still don't know what he was talking about. He would never explain his sudden bursts of self loathing. Give me what? Immortality? Was that to be on the plate after the birth? What will this child bring? " BELLA PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!!" Jake's eyes were blood shot. How long had it been? I motioned for him to let me go. He laid next to me as I sat up shaking the water out of my left ear.

" I love you Jacob Black. But not how you want me to." He started to cry at this. His body shook next to me as I looked down at him afraid to touch him. I needed to backtrack. I couldn't bare the pain he was in.

" I promise you this... That night. Those moments we spent together. I did love you. I loved everything about you. But I can not love you like I love Edward."" I'm not asking for that. I'm only asking for you to love me back. If not. At least give me our child before you disappear with him." He read my mind... That was at the back of my head for weeks. But, I never wanted to part from such a thing that was so apart of me. It would be like losing Charlie or Renee again. I started to cry as he sobbed out the rest of his opinion. " I will not let you raise the baby with that thing... Or the rest of that family... I've given my father enough grief over you already. I will not have him die from heart failure when he finds out you took off with the Cullens with his grandchild." His looked at me his eyes hard. I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't kill my Jake and let Sam's Jake take over. I did what I could. I hugged him. He reluctantly embraced me in response. I could feel the pain he was in. I looked up and nearly cried in agony. Sam's face was there . The tears silently streaming down his cheeks as he looked out to the ocean. I killed Jake.

" Jake hate me not them. Hate me for not choosing you. Hate me for ruining you this way. Hate me for everything that has happened and will happen. Don't hate them. I'm to blame for everything." He looked down at me and smiled wearily. I was desperate to bring back the Jake I knew.

"Bella, I can't do that. Like I have said before and say now. You have never done anything wrong in my eyes. I just don't understand what he has that I don't. Was it that I didn't act fast enough ? Is it my age? Is it that I'm not rich or stylish like he is ? What is it ? I will do anything for you. Tell me what Is it he has that holds you so devoted to him?" His voice broke at the last question. I was afraid to look up. My head was so dizzy I couldn't form the correct words. So I gave him a less painful and easier to think out explanation.

" True love can not be explained. Neither I or he can explain our love to even each other well enough. All I know is I'll die with out him near by. We are I guess equals in intellect and other things that I really can't think of right now. Thinking is starting to give me a tumor Jake. " I held my head as an other dizzy spell takes over. Jake lays me next to him and sighs controlling himself.

" Your right about that. True love can not be explained." He shakes his head kissing my forehead. " Please don't ever risk your self for that-for Edward in any way that will compromise your delicate nature." His hot breath raced down my body like a medicine. I was freezing.

" I promise you ... once the baby is born I will give you the only token of love I can ever offer to you. I give you a piece of me. Promise me this Jake." He looked down at me nodding. " Don't dwell on me. Don't let my absence eat the life out of you. I know you will find someone Jake. I wish you give who ever is willing a chance. For the child's sake. For my sake and your own. I'll always love you in my own way Jake." He did not hesitate to kiss me again. His hand tangled in my hair as we kissed. I did love Jake ... in an odd way. I don't know how to explain it. But I know the core of me is saying this was all wrong of me to do. But I didn't listen anymore. It didn't matter anymore.

" Give me one last night of your beauty... I'll never ask of such again." Jake's lips brushed mine as he spoke each letter. It was the least I could do. Jake was much more gentler then the first time. I don't understand how good something so wrong felt. The fire over took me. No need to muffle the moaning or groaning. No need to stop him from groaning out his love for me with each gentle thrust. The only witness was the ocean and the moon.

As dawn approached I bathed in the salt of the ocean. I laid in the frigid water thinking of the deal I have done. I must talk to Edward. I have to get something out of him. He can't act like this all the time. He has to face up to what I have done ...twice... and maybe just maybe. He may leave me again. But, I wont tell him of the second time. I will never speak it to him. That would be wrong to torture him in such away. When I get back to my house. I will call him. Yes I will call him and ask that we speak in private. Jake came from behind me smiling hugging me softly. As I turned around we locked in a kiss of desperate passion. After ten minutes later we finally part and he carries me to the truck. I ask him to stop at my fathers grave again. I hugged the headstone kissing it softly.

" Rest in peace Char- Daddy..." I stood up as he swept me into his arms again. I notice Jake's mood was better. I slipped into the truck cabin he gave me soft kisses on the lips. Kisses so desperate that I knew he was saying goodbye each time.

" I'll call you when I can" I smiled as he nodded

" I promise to not be bitter for you. Having you in my life for as little time is it has been is enough to believe I was in heaven." He smiled at me fixing my disheveled hair. "I'll always have you with me thru this." He rubs my stomach smiling brightly. " He or she will be gorgeous. I know because you are the mother." I blushed softly. The truck roared to life and he patted the hood waving me goodbye. Jake... What a good father you will make.

I pulled up to the house with the sneaking feeling of being watched. I hurry on to the porch as I notice the door was open again... When I look inside I see that the house was in array. What was going on? I sighed turning on the light. I never thought I would scream so loudly That I would lose my voice in turn.

There sat the last thing I every thought to see again.

Victoria.

" I finally have you, pathetic little Bitch." She stood up as I choked and gagged for air. How did she survive? How did she ... What is GOING ON? " Your little dogs forgot the essential part of killing my kind" She lit a match cackling a frigid blood curtailing laugh that made all the blood in my body retreat deep when in me to avoid coaxing her. " And now this convenient development. Two for the price of one. Like killing two birds with a stone. I love how life for you humans plays out. Always to my advantage." I grew cold. My knees turned to jelly. My mouth dry from a dehydration that only existed a few seconds but felt like weeks. I made a small scream that I first thought was coming from something else. Then I heard the roar.

" BELLA !!!" I knew that voice. I was mortified. Edward no. As he screamed Victoria lunged at me. Edward collided with her. The impact was deafening I cringed screaming. I tried to run to Edward to pull him away from her. I couldn't bare that he, my Greek god of beauty, get hurt cause of me. Then I saw something else join in. A rustic wolf. I knew the red anywhere. It was Jacob. Now it was a fight against the three. They all despised and wanted to kill each other. I was screaming at the top of my lungs when something grabbed me. I saw Edward tossing Victoria against the kitchen wall as it crumbled and fell. Jake lunged at Victoria as she was about to recover. I was screaming for Edward and Jake but I was in the car now. I was being driven away. I turned to see a shaken Alice. The speedometer was passing the 275 limit. I was screaming and crying as Alice stood silent. I don't think she had the ability to speak at the moment. I couldn't see her face very well the tears were to thick like jell. But from what I could make out it was like she was in a trance. As soon as the car stopped Jasper was opening Alice's door. Esme took me in her arms and ran me into the house. I was still frantic. I saw as Emmett ran out side with a gas can shirtless with Rosalie tailing him. Alice was brought in by Jasper. He sat her down on the sofa whispering something in her ear. I only blinked but he was gone now. Only Carlisle, Esme and Alice stood behind. Carlisle looked at me and looked down. I then realized why. I smelled blood. I was bleeding profusely form my lower half. I cried more franticly.

" Bella calm down please calm down." Esme soothing me as Carlisle started to work on me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alice rocking back and forth trembling. I was laid down Esme wore a rag that I think was soaked in bleach to her nose as she held me. I know the smell of bleach is maddening for her. I was in great pain now. What could be happening. " Bella? Bella? Stay awake for me. Can you do that?" Carlisle's arms where soaked in blood. The sight of it made me dizzy." She don't look good Carlisle." Esme panicked she was shaking in dry sobs. I turned my head groaning as the pain took me over. I felt a pain so sharp I thought I was being stabbed with a harpoon. I screamed at the top of my lungs. My vision clouded. I could no longer see anymore. I could heard Esme calling to me.

" Bella, BELLA WAKE UP!! BELLA !!!"

Jake please don't get hurt  
Edward please give me a chance.

Most of all ... please don't let my baby die.  
Then Jake will surly die.

The stars were falling. But it was daylight. How odd.


	9. Where the Sun Never shines

"She's been out for days" I heard someone whisper. Maybe Esme, maybe Alice, I couldn't tell. I tried not to move so that they didn't suspect that I was awake. They have a habit of withholding from me so I have to find out what's going on some how.

"Is the baby fine?" I knew this was Esme - the concern in her voice - the sullen and gloomy tone from the usual up beat joy that filled it was so desperate and disconcerting that I almost opened my eyes.

"You man babies, yes they are fine. Only she can't so much as make an move for the reminder of the pregnancy." This voice was not Carlisle's. It was woman's voice soothing and calm. Almost inhuman to how it sounded. Just too perfect.

"I wonder how she'll handle the news, Edward isn't handling it much him self." This was a male voice with the same inhuman sound - just too perfect.

"Seriously, when is he handling anything properly… You've seen the hasty decision he made and look at the result. He almost died down there trying to kill that Harpy." I knew this voice. This was Rosalie, the calm cool and collectiveness of it was not easily mistaken.

"Did you manage it ?" Esme pleaded.

"Yes, we did. But if we had arrives later those dogs would have cornered Edward. And you know he wouldn't have run from it. He was in one violent mood when we got there." I almost shivered and cried when I heard this. I wanted to spring p and be taken to where he was to be with him. My heart raced and aches without him near. The whole, there was one tiny one that is getting bigger as time passes. I hope it doesn't get much bigger. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with it .

"Cleaned up the mess?" This was the inhumanly perfect woman's voice.

"Yes, we salvaged her things before we started the fire. Victoria is no more, although she did bring company but they were easily dealt with." Rosalie said in a matter-of-fact tone that mimicked Edward's - only cold and shrill.

"Stop looking at her like that Rosalie, it is not her fault." Esme pleased and a stern tone.

"YES! It is … it is all her fault. We wouldn't have needed to leave it if wasn't for HER. We wouldn't have so many concerns if it wasn't for HER. We wouldn't have almost gotten exposed if it wasn't for HER! Why are we housing her anyways …. She is a whore! Look at her - pregnant with a dogs offspring. I bet they'll come out like pups."

"ROSALIE !!!!" I never heard Esme scream like that. It was a feral roar that bellowed with in her. It made me shake with fear. But I couldn't help but feel guilt deep within me as well. Rosalie is right, it is all my fault. Then I felt rage. How could she speak of Jake like that. Jake, was so gentle. I can't think of that . NO I just can't. I made the deal with him. I shall have…. Wait.

"Twins …." I whispered groggily.

"Bella!!! Bella dear are you awake?" I heard a low growl and the slamming of a door. I didn't have to open my eyes to know who that was. But as I heard Esme talk to me I realized I had spoke that out load. I mental note that was meant for me only. And I had blurted it out breaking my cover. Crap.

"Yes?" I was unsure of this I don't think I could sit up even. My body felt numb.

"Hehe, don't worry Bella don't stress yourself please. Don't want to hurt to the twins." She chirped gracefully as she sat me up with just one arm. I opened my eyes to a glum picture. Esme looked terrible, her hair was disarray and her usual crisp and clean attire was wrinkled and messy. The deep purple and black burses around her coal black eyes indicated she has not feed in a while. I looked over to see a face I had never seen before. She has long blonde hair wavy to the end - that reached half way down her leg. Her eyes were coal black with bruises just as deep as Esme's. The man that stood by her looked like Jasper but with black hair, long and curly. He was on the phone talking very low and so fast his lips seemed to be vibrating. There was no one else in the room. Where's Alice? Where's Jasper? Where's Emmett and Carlisle? But most of all … where's Edward? I looked at Esme apologetically as she smiled her kind smile at me.

"Esme, you have to feed. All of you have to feed." She smiled softly as looked down at my stomach.

" Nonsense, I'll live." She joked softly.

"Yes but you need to feed… I don't want be more of a problem then I already am for you all. I'm so sorry." I expected tears to fall down but none did. Only a throbbing pain in my tear ducts. I half thought that I probably damaged them some how but soon realized that I've probably cried enough for a while. It was impossible for me to cry any more then I have. I was dry.

"Don't say that Bella, you are forgiven always." Sweet Esme, always nurturing always giving. I sat back looking out a strange window. It was snowing violently on a open plain. If I squinted my eyes I could see a deer trotting across it. Then I realized that we weren't in Forks anymore. I looked around at the room that walls mimicked a log cabins. I looked at Esme confused .

"Where are we?"

"Denali, those behind you is Clarabelle and Victor. They just happened to be visiting Tanya when we arrived. Luckily, Clarabelle was a midwife when she was human and as practiced as Carlisle is at her control of the hunger." Esme seemed pleased with there company so I relaxed a bit.

"And if you were wondering I was a Spy." Victor chuckled a bit winking his black eyes. I nodded slightly , sighing to myself.

"Where is Edward?" Was all I could manage. Esme sighed and began to tell me the story. Edward did get to finish off Victoria, something I already knew, but in the process injured himself. She wouldn't tell me the specifics of the injury but he was cornered by Jake and the pack. The impression they left was that they intended to kill Edward. It was still shocking to hear. Jake would never hurt me like that. How could he? I couldn't understand anything of the situation as I anxiously listened to Esme. Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, and as well as Tanya and the clan went to Forks to _resolve _some _things_ with the pack before coming back here.

"Is everything ok?" I really wanted to ask if Jake was Ok but I didn't want to put Esme thru anymore stress. She has enough to go thru at the moment.

"I'm not sure, but Edward is ok. But Alice tells me he in a terrible mood. They have to hold him down every time he sees that …. Jake boy that is …. The father… yes?" She barley chocked out these last words as I nodded feebly .

"Well, Alice said he was irate about something involving one of the wolves. Alice and Jasper can barley hold him down. They said they'll be here in an hours time." Victor sealed my panic with snapping shut the cell phone. I franticly look out the window then at Esme. In sensing this she retrained me firmly with pleading eyes.

"Bella, you can not panic, you can't stress yourself. It is hazardous to the children. It is going to kill you if you keep reacting so viciously to this." Clarabelle came to Esme's side telling me the same thing.

"You much keep calm." She cooed the words like there were a gentle silk or satin. In hearing her voice I yearned to hear my Angel. I anticipated and dreaded it. I began to panic as I realized that Edward could already know about me and Jake at first beach. The thought frightened me so that Clarabelle went and injected something in to a machine. I think realized they has hospital equipment by my side with an iv in me and everything. The sight of it in my hand making my vein pop out revolted me in waves of nausea. I couldn't bare it. I began to feel a wave a calm spread over me like and incoming tide. I just laid there in peace as Esme reassured me all was well. Then I saw out of the corner of my eye the door open. Carlisle and Alice walked in. They were surprised to see me awake as they came to my bed side.

"Hello Bella how are you feeling?" Carlisle checked the equipment, a hard habit to kick, as he said this in his calm and warm manner. Before I could attempt to lie to him Clarabelle and Esme informed him of my resent panic. " You shouldn't stress yourself Bella. You're in such a delicate state that you could loose them. We can not risk that right now." I felt something off from his usual countenance. It was unnerving. I tried to get Alice's attention but she was avoiding me with a grim smile on her face. Seeing made my mine race with a panic not even the medicine could help at the moment. Just as this happened I felt a strong wave of calm flush my panic down an unknown drain.

"Alice? Is everything ok?" She looked away as I said this and left the room. Something was not right… Alice was not acting right.

When I opened my mouth to speak and there was a soft knock on the door. Carlisle didn't turn from me when Emmett with a grim morose look over took his features. This only made me more tense. More worse. I felt my heart plumit as he entered with Jasper and Rosalie. Rosalie look more furious then ever - the glare in which she stabed me injuried me more then she could imagine. But the same question poped in my head again. The same reaction like always.

"Where's Edward?"

"Bella, we have … bad news."

"Where's Edward?" Was all I could say the more the silence continued the more my panic heighten to an impossible climax that I just might have a heart attack.

"Bella, calm down." Carlisle spoke with an eerie calm that only panicked me. An other wave of calm rushed over me but it was not working now. Jaspers powers where not having the lasting effect like the usually do/

"Where's EDWARD?"

"Bella…"

"Where's EDWARD !!!"

"Bella, calm down … Bel-"

"EDWARD !!!" I felt myself plummet in to a pool of darkness as they all looked at me with pity. I felt everything tunnel distant and fading….

"Bella, wake up" The voice of my angel. Impossible. He wasn't there. It was Carlisle in front of me… not my Edward. My Greek God… My life, my soul mate. My everything. "Bella open your eyes… for me my love. Isabella… I demand you open your eyes this instant!" My angle was angry with me. This was more like him. The soft quiet of his voice faded as he moved to his more usual burst of aggravation. I love this voice. The voice like honey and velvet. "Bella please… please sweetheart." His aggravation melted to concern as he chocked the last words out. I finally realized I had been dreaming… but for how long? How much of it was a dream or was all of it a dream? I opened my eyes to the most breath taking image. His eyes burned into mines as he took my face closer to his with his iron grasp. My perfect angel.

"Is- are we in Alaska?" I asked as I realized was already sitting up in my bed. The same window and room but, no one else was but us.

"Yes Bella."

" Is there someone here by the name Clarabelle?"

"Yes"

"And one named Victor?"

"Yes?"

"Ok…" Then I must have passed out shortly after Clarabelle injected that stuff in to my IV… or did I pass out form seeing the actual IV? Has to be the actual IV… I'm almost certain.

"Odd questions, even for you Bella."

"Sorry."

"No worry." He cradled me against him, forming and iron cage around my body. He hummed to me my lullaby as he rocked me back and forth. I was in heaven, nothing could top this. But then I remembered I probably haven't brushed my teeth in ages on the count that I was out for so long.

"Permission to be human ?"

"What exactly do you need to do?"

"Brush my teeth… I can feel them squirming." I felt him sigh and turned me to face him. I could barley think straight with that beautiful face staring me back with such pained aggravation on it .

"You not allowed to move on the count of your pregnancy…" he chocked the last word out as if it caused him physical agony to repeat.

"But .." He interrupted me with his cool index finger to my lips.

"I'll bring it to you…" He slipped me out from his lap and disappeared too the bathroom I didn't know was with in the room. Second later he returned with toothpaste, my toothbrush, and a cup of water with a empty bowl. He looked at me a little confused since I didn't dive right in. "Something the matter?"

"Your watching," he looked at me confused and almost shocked. " It's not one of the things I like to me watched while doing." He let out and aggravated sigh out and turned around for me.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you" He chuckled while I brushed. I felt such a relief to finally have access to a toothbrush. After a while, I finally finished and taped his shoulder. "Coast is clear" He grinned his crocked grin at me as he turned softly kissing my forehead. I smiled back hugging him gently. This took him by surprise - carefully responding the embrace.

"You know this is risky, I can't be to close to you while your… expecting." He shifted away from me slightly. A felt a fresh bust of panic run threw me as he spoke this. He held me tighter bringing me closer to him as a result. "Bella please calm down."

"Why? So you can lean me!!! So you can hate me like Rosalie for being pregnant and causing you trouble!!!" He became motionless as if made of stone when I shouted this at him.

"Bella you've completely misinterpreted that."

"Oh? Then why have you been avoiding me? Why can't you be near me. Why? Cos iam pregnant and made the biggest mistake of my life? … Oh wait .. My existence is a mistake…" I trailed off as the first pool of tears wrenched it's way threw my irritated ducts causing me to shake - which only led for more tears to poor from my eyes.

"Isabella Marie Swan," he stopped taking my chin into his hand as he softly kissed my cheek. "I know your sorry, I know you regret it. But the reason I can't be near you is cause your smell is so much more portent right now I could loose control any minute."

"Oh…"

"And, It hurt me to see you this way."

"…explain?"

"You see Bella, all these months I've been enraged at myself. Enraged that I can never give you this gift. You can't possibly want to be with me after having them. They are your family now. You are that-" he cringed at the thought of something and shook it off. "You are Jakes now, I have no right to keep you from him. I wi-" I interrupted him right there .

"I'm not Jake's, I'm no body but myself and I will choose who I wish to be with. I want to be with you." He shook his head at me with a defeated expression on his face.

"I've accepted this already Bella. No need to hide your feelings for him. After all I was the one that left you. I've been selfish and childish about this whole thing. I lost the war even before it began…" He looked down with such a blank morose look that it made me burst it to tears. "Bella, don't cry… Bella dry your eyes. You'll be with him soon enough. I will not interfere no more." I punch his chest screaming in agony of those harsh cold words of his. I wanted nothing of Jake. I've already given myself to Edward in every way possible. Accept what I gave to Jake. I've robbed Edward his right.

"Edward I want you and only you." His face became dark and skeptical as he heard this.

"Then why did you sleep with him twice… If not for love ?" My heart stopped as he said this. He knows. Oh no he knows.

"Weakness, I was weak and foolish… and-"

"In love," he finish and a dry deadly tone that only made the tears gush from my eyes.

"NO! not in love."

"I'm not understanding you Bella, I'm not understanding you at all." His indifference was making me panicked. I took his face into my weak hand and pleaded with him.

"Edward were are you… were is the Edward I know?" I chocked a bit from the pain of tearing up but continued. "Edward you have to understand there is a different love I have for Jake. A love that can hardly fulfill me or him. He understands this. And I agreed that if he promised to move on that I would give him the only token of our affection." He tilted his head slightly to the side and withdrew slipping me back on the bed softly walking towards the door.

"Bella… you can't have everything. Giving your children away to him to be with me? Leaving him alone with that burden? Is that hardly fair? Is that logical? Things don't go that way Bella. I can't let you do that."

"He demanded it of me if I truly love you I'd give him his children. I hardly think it would be fair to raise them with a family of Vampires?"

"They wouldn't be raised with us because we wont be bothering you Bella." My heart sank with a icy cold pang of fear that almost stopped me for speaking.

"Edward... d... on… don't leave me again. I can do this again. Not with out you. Don't do this to me Edward.. Please." He looked back at me walking back to my side of the bed.

"I'm not leaving you Bella. But, you must leave, back to Forks." My lower lip quivered as I looked a way from him - focusing out the window. "Bella it is the only way."

"Why are you so freaking calm!" I hissed, looking out the window. "Acting again eh? Your still convincing…"

"… you need to rest."

"NO I DON'T"

"Bella!!!" He raised his tone slightly.

"If your trying to be more convincing, your anger is not helping you." I heard him curse under his breath , turning my face to his.

"I'm far to selfish," he looks up, his golden eyes burning into my very soul. "to not want to let you go thru that. Giving him the only tie you would ever have to him and taking you way keeping you for myself. That is what my heart screams it."

"Let it happen then please?"

"This is wrong Bella… this is very wrong."

"But, it's what everyone wants."

"One exception." He growled.

"He can cope, he can move on. He promised me that."

"But it is not in his heart."

"He will have me in a way."

"Not the way he wanted"

"He will eventually accept it."

"He will never recover Bella"

"But he promised me"

"Bella, it wont make a difference. No one can forget the first love."

"Which is why I refused to leave you."

"Which is why you must."

"No, I wont. If you want me to die then I will. But other wise, no. Not happening. Never… happening" He sighed and crossed his arms giving me and demanding stare.

"Give in…"

"No…"

"You insist on ruining your life with me ?"

"Oh and being with Jake and becoming old and withered and eventually dieing isn't?" He flinched as I said this.

"It is the only way that would be right and correct." I sighed pulling away from his grasp. He let me go lowing his hand with intense, eager eyes.

"I guess were at a standstill."

"Bella, pl-"

"No, only time will prove to you that I care and am willing to risk it all for you." He sighed turning away from me as I did him. We are both stubborn. But I will make him see I love him.

Even if it kills me.

I look out the window as the snow blinds the sky. In a land where the sun never shines


End file.
